It was dark. Pitch black.
But he could see clearly. He silently moved along the table, gripping the edges, afraid he would fall any minute. His head was swimming and he could sense there was something amiss in the room. Something different. It rankled him. He was not exactly an obsessive compulsive person by nature but he expected to find his home the same every morning! One did not wake up to find the wall painted bright orange from a pale pink or see a wooden wall closet in place of the sensible aluminium cupboard! But of course, his walls were still pale pink and the cupboard was in place, neatly locked. What was it?!
He did not know what. He looked at the papers littering the desk. There were some pens lying in a corner, unused, but present should someone in the digital era ever feel the need to use the humble gadget. He looked at the files which he knew byheart. They contained old bills, documents of the house, official records and the usual paraphernalia one might find in home-files. He counted the files. No, the number was right. It was the same as always. No, it was not a missing file but something else. What was it?
He slowly moved around the room trying to guess. The chair, pushed against the wall was in its usual place. One of the wheels had begun to squeak but that was not any reason to discard a chair and get a new one, was there? Also, could that tiny squeak disturb him so much? He almost smiled thinking if that little squeak was the cause behind his sleepless night and the constant nagging feeling at the back of his mind.
There was something. Something for sure. He decided to ask the maid when she came in to dust the house at the usual hour. It wouldn’t be too long now. But no, wait. He had forgotten once again. It was her day off. The third time this week, he thought angrily. What was with the house-help these days? They demanded extra-ordinary wages and never turned up half the time. Now Shantatai had been different. She had always been regular. He remembered his childhood days spent trying to evade the constant hankering of the petite maid who would be present on his doorstep at 8 AM, sun or rain! She got him sweets too, he remembered. She even sent him the occasional greeting in his mother’s correspondence once he moved out and went to college. Why did her drunkard of a husband want to shift to the village all of a sudden, he never understood! And why did she have to agree? Weren’t women feminists these days? Life had never really been the same since Shantatai left. And especially with this new maid…
Grumbling, he continued to slowly hobble around the room, still trying to place his misgivings. The phone in his pocket suddenly vibrated. He was a man who liked to boast about being updated with technology but the damned mobile phone was something he could never understand! Why did people need such devices? Not a moment of peace. Office people calling and troubling you at all odd hours! Pesky sales people calling up and making silly presentations. Earlier you atleast had the satisfaction of banging the door in their face but what could one do with the mobile? Bang the device down? And break one’s own phone in the process? A very silly and unnecessary invention it was.
The music getting louder with every ring brought him back to present. Let the stupid thing ring. Atleast he liked the song that was playing better than the voice of the pest on the other end. And he had better things to do rather than being stuck with a phone to his ear! Back to his hunt for that missing jigsaw puzzle.
It was hardly 5 minutes that he entered the room. But he was already tired. He needed some rest. He slowly walked over the bed and sat on the edge, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his kurta. He was not as strong as before. But he knew he still had life in him. He still had to go on. People respected him. Cared for him. Thoughts of the missing element in the room temporarily forgotten, he gave a slight smile. His colleagues still respected him. They asked for his opinion. Perhaps they thought he was a worthless junk staying on to while away time but they definitely didn’t show it.
They were a nice crowd. So were his friends. He enjoyed meeting friends over their usual Sunday luncheons where the wives cooked delicacies. Lots of dishes were also ordered from the hotel but nothing took away the from the thrill of eating and enjoying with people you knew best. Not that a lot of them remained now… Everyone had busy lives. Times changed. So did the number of years you lived till suddenly you stopped living.
The sad reminder brought him back to the topic at hand. He looked around the room morosely. Not much had changed in the 43-odd years he had lived here. The curtains had changed and so had the furnishings but the essence of the room was the same. A place where he could come home from work and retire with Sadhna. They would discuss their days and sometimes also have tiffs. The kids would make demands and he would sit on the same bed with them and play games or tell them stories. Oh, but all that was so long ago wan’t it? The kids had moved out. But they had remained. He and his Sadhna, quietly holding hands and sitting together, topics exhausted. They were at peace. Sometimes silences spoke volumes and after being married for 49 years, silences sometimes spoke more than words.
Sadhna. His Sadhna. Where was she? It was 10 AM and he couldn’t smell the break-fast yet. Perhaps she decided to get something from the tiny shanty below their house. He couldn’t blame her. Her health was failing too and she needed a break. The poor thing over-worked herself anyways. Next month would be their 50th anniversary. He planned to surprise her with a vacation. Just them. A beautiful spot in the mountains.
Sadhna. He looked fondly at the desk once again. The place where his search had begun. And perhaps the space where his search would end. It was then it hit him was was missing. But no, it was not something missing. It was an addition. A beautiful floral addition that did nothing to soothe him.
His phone once again began to ring and as he absent-mindedly picked it up hearing his son’s voice, “Dad! Dad, don’t disconnect! Atleast think about it! Perhaps you should live with us now. After mom…”
He hardly heard the words as his eyes went to the picture on the wall. She looked as radiant as ever. But now there was a garland around her picture. His Sadhna was at peace.
He could see clearly. But it was dark. His soul was pitch black.
But he could see clearly. He silently moved along the table, gripping the edges, afraid he would fall any minute. His head was swimming and he could sense there was something amiss in the room. Something different. It rankled him. He was not exactly an obsessive compulsive person by nature but he expected to find his home the same every morning! One did not wake up to find the wall painted bright orange from a pale pink or see a wooden wall closet in place of the sensible aluminium cupboard! But of course, his walls were still pale pink and the cupboard was in place, neatly locked. What was it?!
He did not know what. He looked at the papers littering the desk. There were some pens lying in a corner, unused, but present should someone in the digital era ever feel the need to use the humble gadget. He looked at the files which he knew byheart. They contained old bills, documents of the house, official records and the usual paraphernalia one might find in home-files. He counted the files. No, the number was right. It was the same as always. No, it was not a missing file but something else. What was it?
He slowly moved around the room trying to guess. The chair, pushed against the wall was in its usual place. One of the wheels had begun to squeak but that was not any reason to discard a chair and get a new one, was there? Also, could that tiny squeak disturb him so much? He almost smiled thinking if that little squeak was the cause behind his sleepless night and the constant nagging feeling at the back of his mind.
There was something. Something for sure. He decided to ask the maid when she came in to dust the house at the usual hour. It wouldn’t be too long now. But no, wait. He had forgotten once again. It was her day off. The third time this week, he thought angrily. What was with the house-help these days? They demanded extra-ordinary wages and never turned up half the time. Now Shantatai had been different. She had always been regular. He remembered his childhood days spent trying to evade the constant hankering of the petite maid who would be present on his doorstep at 8 AM, sun or rain! She got him sweets too, he remembered. She even sent him the occasional greeting in his mother’s correspondence once he moved out and went to college. Why did her drunkard of a husband want to shift to the village all of a sudden, he never understood! And why did she have to agree? Weren’t women feminists these days? Life had never really been the same since Shantatai left. And especially with this new maid…
Grumbling, he continued to slowly hobble around the room, still trying to place his misgivings. The phone in his pocket suddenly vibrated. He was a man who liked to boast about being updated with technology but the damned mobile phone was something he could never understand! Why did people need such devices? Not a moment of peace. Office people calling and troubling you at all odd hours! Pesky sales people calling up and making silly presentations. Earlier you atleast had the satisfaction of banging the door in their face but what could one do with the mobile? Bang the device down? And break one’s own phone in the process? A very silly and unnecessary invention it was.
The music getting louder with every ring brought him back to present. Let the stupid thing ring. Atleast he liked the song that was playing better than the voice of the pest on the other end. And he had better things to do rather than being stuck with a phone to his ear! Back to his hunt for that missing jigsaw puzzle.
It was hardly 5 minutes that he entered the room. But he was already tired. He needed some rest. He slowly walked over the bed and sat on the edge, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his kurta. He was not as strong as before. But he knew he still had life in him. He still had to go on. People respected him. Cared for him. Thoughts of the missing element in the room temporarily forgotten, he gave a slight smile. His colleagues still respected him. They asked for his opinion. Perhaps they thought he was a worthless junk staying on to while away time but they definitely didn’t show it.
They were a nice crowd. So were his friends. He enjoyed meeting friends over their usual Sunday luncheons where the wives cooked delicacies. Lots of dishes were also ordered from the hotel but nothing took away the from the thrill of eating and enjoying with people you knew best. Not that a lot of them remained now… Everyone had busy lives. Times changed. So did the number of years you lived till suddenly you stopped living.
The sad reminder brought him back to the topic at hand. He looked around the room morosely. Not much had changed in the 43-odd years he had lived here. The curtains had changed and so had the furnishings but the essence of the room was the same. A place where he could come home from work and retire with Sadhna. They would discuss their days and sometimes also have tiffs. The kids would make demands and he would sit on the same bed with them and play games or tell them stories. Oh, but all that was so long ago wan’t it? The kids had moved out. But they had remained. He and his Sadhna, quietly holding hands and sitting together, topics exhausted. They were at peace. Sometimes silences spoke volumes and after being married for 49 years, silences sometimes spoke more than words.
Sadhna. His Sadhna. Where was she? It was 10 AM and he couldn’t smell the break-fast yet. Perhaps she decided to get something from the tiny shanty below their house. He couldn’t blame her. Her health was failing too and she needed a break. The poor thing over-worked herself anyways. Next month would be their 50th anniversary. He planned to surprise her with a vacation. Just them. A beautiful spot in the mountains.
Sadhna. He looked fondly at the desk once again. The place where his search had begun. And perhaps the space where his search would end. It was then it hit him was was missing. But no, it was not something missing. It was an addition. A beautiful floral addition that did nothing to soothe him.
His phone once again began to ring and as he absent-mindedly picked it up hearing his son’s voice, “Dad! Dad, don’t disconnect! Atleast think about it! Perhaps you should live with us now. After mom…”
He hardly heard the words as his eyes went to the picture on the wall. She looked as radiant as ever. But now there was a garland around her picture. His Sadhna was at peace.
He could see clearly. But it was dark. His soul was pitch black.
